|Mom writing memories of her childhood for me.|
For several weeks now, we have had the arduous and emotionally exhausting task of going thru Momma's house. It has been such a blessing that my brothers wanted so much of Momma's furniture and the ceramic items she created. But now I'm down to going thru her more personal things such as her clothes, her Bibles, and her books.
As I was cleaning out her desk and going thru some of her papers, I came across a little poem that someone had given to her. It doesn't have a date, but the other papers it was with indicated to me it was probably after our brother, Bill, went to Heaven in 2002. I had never seen it before, but it is full of meaning and even though it made me cry, it spoke to my heart. I share it here with the prayer it will help someone else, too.
Lord, the trouble about life just now is that I seem to have all things which don't matter, and to have lost all the things which do matter.
I have life;
I have enough money to live on;
I have plenty to occupy me;
but I am alone, and sometimes I feel that nothing can make up for that.
Lord, compel me to see the meaning of my faith.
Make me to realize that I have a hope as well as a memory, and the unseen cloud of witnesses is around me;
that You meant it when You said that You would always be with me;
and make me to realize that as long as You leave me here there is something that I am meant to do; and in doing it, help me to find the comfort and the courage that I need to go on.
In Jesus' name,
This prayer hit home to me in so many ways when I read it. I do feel alone, even with the love and support of my wonderful husband, family, and friends. I do feel the loss of purpose and direction, even as I work thru the task of handling Momma's estate. And I do need to realize I not only have the memories of Momma, but I have that blessed hope that we will be together again.
I can't say that I know what the Lord has left me here to do. Most days, I'm just functioning, crying, and praying for comfort for myself. I don't feel I have enough emotional strength to encourage or help anyone else. Anything good that happens thru me will have to be the Lord's doing! My flesh is too weak, my heart is still too shattered. Without Jesus, I am nothing but a mess. Praise the Lord that He understands and is merciful!
Shared in love,