Audella Bernice Grubb Evans

Mom when she was just a toddler.

Audella "Dell" Bernice Grubb Evans

Born into this earth on November 4, 1929 

to Bernard Basil Grubb

and Mollie Elizabeth "Lizzie" Dorton Grubb

Sister to Billy Joe Grubb, 

Helen Maxine Grubb,

Mary Elizabeth Grubb,

and Francis Lee Grubb Brown

Wife of Douglas Claude Evans, Sr.

Mother to "Bill" William Bernard Evans, Sr.,

"Cris" Crystal Elizabeth Evans Watson, 

"Chuck" Chester Glen Evans, Sr.,

and "Doug" Douglas Claude Evans, Jr.

Departed this earth on March 20, 2017.

     "Precious in the sight of the Lord is the death of his saints." 

                                     Psalm 116:15

      During her earthly journey, she was a daughter, sister, cousin, niece, grand-daughter, wife, mother, mother-in-law, grandmother, great-grandmother, aunt, great-aunt, widow, Christian, friend, care-giver, encourager, teacher, nurturer, comforter, confident and a confidence builder.  She was loving, genuine, honest, caring, forgiving, giving, generous, a servant.

     Though she was all of these things and so much more, she was my Momma and truly my very Best Friend.

"Of all the hardships a person must face, none is 

more punishing than the act of saying goodbye."  

 Unknown  

Mom Christmas 2016, her last Christmas with us this side of Heaven.

First Anniversary of Momma's Home-Going

Momma's Sister, Francis Brown; their mother, Lizzie Grubb; and Momma

     Today is the first anniversary of Momma's home-going.  It is hard for me to grasp that it has been one year already, especially with the way I still miss her.  There is nothing that I do that doesn't in some way remind me of her and all that she taught me.


     Momma loved kids and working with them.  For years she worked as a Teacher's Assistant in the Chesterfield County Schools as well as being a school bus driver.  Often I would be with her in a store and a young adult would come over to her and smile and ask if she remembered them from school or from the bus.  And more often than not, she would remember them by name!  




     And she taught children in Sunday School.  They loved her there, too.  One young man, Steven Irby, was so attached to her that he refused to be promoted from her class!  His mother would find him sitting outside the door to Momma's class rather than going to his new class.  They finally decided to let him stay in her class, which he did faithfully until he was a teenager.  


     Momma also worked with the Ladies Ministry at her church.  She preferred to work behind the scenes and never wanted recognition for anything she did.  But from time to time, she would agree to speak to the ladies.  Her wisdom and insight into God's Word and her willingness to share what Jesus had done for her was always inspiring and comforting to those of us who heard her speak.


     She loved to cook.  It was her way of nurturing and caring for us.  Like her own mother, she could take a little bit of anything and make a full, delicious meal!  




     Momma was so artistic.  She did all of the bulletin boards for her teachers at school as well as in her Sunday School room at Church.

     She loved to do ceramics and not only did beautiful ceramic pieces, but taught classes in the craft as well.  She was a patient teacher and could make you feel like you could do it, too.  Such an encourager!

     My Mother taught me to cook, to sew, to crochet, to keep house, to love, to be loyal, to be faithful, to love and seek the Lord.  She taught by her life and her actions, not just her words.   




     But of all the things she taught me, Momma never taught me how to live without her.  I'm having to learn that one grief-filled day at a time.  



     Tonight Momma's dear friend, Dessie Myers, and I talked and remembered Momma.  She reminded me that Momma is in Heaven, that her soul is at rest.  Mrs. Myers also reminded me that it won't be long before we all will be with her, just a little bit further down this road and we will round the bend and be at Heaven's Gate ourselves.  

     My journey isn't over, and though I no longer walk with Momma, Jesus still walks with me as He did with her.  Just a little bit further, and there will be a bend in the road and then ... Heaven and no more parting, no more grief, no more tears.   

     Until then, I remember Momma, and I cry. 

                        Cris   

          My brother, Doug, gave Momma this Thomas Kincade calendar the last Christmas we had her with us.  It is still open to March and hangs in her bedroom just as it did last year when the Lord took her home.  I realized only today that the painting is a country path through a spring garden, and it reminded me of Momma's home-going on the first day of Spring and of the words of Mrs. Myers about the journey and the bend in the road.

Song Lyrics Shared With Me Today

Momma and her kids

     Tomorrow it will be one year since Momma's home-going to Heaven.  Can't believe it has been a year already; the emptiness in my life where her physical presence was is still so real and so painful.

     Today I was given the words to a song by the singer Enya.  It is titled "So I Could Find My Way".  I am sharing it with slight changes to the lyrics because it reminds me not only of my own Mother and the way she always put us ahead of herself, but all the mothers I have known and see every day as they nurture their children.

     Shared in love,

                            Cris 


"So I Could Find My Way" - modified

A thousand dreams you gave to me
You held me high, you held me high;
And all those years you guided me
So I could find my way.

How long your love had sheltered me
You held me high, you held me high;
A harbour holding back the sea
So I could find my way.

So let me keep my dreams of you
There upon that Heavenly shore;
So let me keep my dreams to you
Each night and ever more.

Yet only time keeps us apart
You held me high, you held me high;
You'll always be in the center of my heart
So I can still find my way.

You held me high, you held me high
So that … I could find my way.

Momma's Life Is Still Teaching Us

Mom, 2005

     In just a ten days, it will be one year since Momma went to be with the Lord.  A year – and even though my grief isn't as intense and crushing as it was, most days it seems like Momma's passing just happened.  And I cry every day.   

     Through these months, so many people have given me counsel, support, and words of encouragement.  But none has been more comforting than my husband who has held me and let me cry regardless of how many times a day I have needed to.  He has never told me to grow up, get over it, or move on.  Instead, he has lovingly told me to grieve as long as I need to, to cry as much as I have to, and to talk about Momma whenever I want to.  He's as good to me as he was to Momma while she was with us.  He's my Hero, my Champion, my Love.

     He and I were talking the other day and we both agree that caring for Momma changed both of us in the best possible ways.  Being her caregivers was a special blessing the Lord gave us.  

Mom at her Grandson's wedding.

     And as we talked about Momma, it came to me that she not only lived a long life, but at 87 she had lived a lot of life and experiences: she grew up during hard times in the Coal Camps of West Virginia and saw her parents bury three infant children; as an adult she buried her father, her husband, her adult sister, her mother, her own son.  Momma was a cancer survivor, had to deal with us four kids and all the grief and heartache we gave her, and then she dealt with her own terminal illness.  

     And though she had every reason to be bitter, she wasn't!  She CHOOSE not to be bitter.  She choose to retain a sweet, loving, nurturing and kind attitude in spite of the heartache and disappointment that came through her life.  I know this because I saw her life every day, not just on special occasions when we were all with her, not just on Sunday when she was in church.  I saw her live out her commitment to the Lord and her humble, surrendered heart every day of her life right though the last hours of her earthly journey.      

Ruth Brooks and Mom in church.

     What a legacy of Christ-honoring love and her love for us!  It humbles me to think of that and what a strong, good person our Momma was.  She told me once that serving the Lord took a made up mind and settled heart.  I know now that it takes the same to not be bitter with life and it's heartaches, especially when the Lord's answer to prayer sometimes are "no", or "wait".

     Caregiver, regardless of whether your are just starting your journey, ending your journey, or somewhere in between remember that today is not your life for the rest of your life.  At some point on this walk, you will reach that place where the Lord will take your loved one to His Eternal Home and your path will be a totally different one.  Now while you have that loved one with you, do all that you can for them: give them your best, give them your time, your attention, your compassion, and especially your love.  When that time comes when they are no longer with you, you will not regret a thing you did for them – in fact, you will wish you had done more.  

     And when that time comes that your caregiving journey is over, it is my prayer that you will be blessed with someone that will be there along side you to help you through the broken-ness of no longer having that loved one in your life.  And that you will be wise enough to realize that you need their comfort and they need to be allowed to comfort you.

     Caregiver, even in your darkest moments remember that you are not alone.  Jesus promises to never leave us nor forsake us.  And He's just a prayer away.

     Stay on your knees, and keep looking up.

     Shared in love, 


                         Cris 

Love, on Valentine's Day

Dad and Mom, 1976

     Our Pastor has said often there is no love like a Mother's love and it is probably closest on this earth to the love the Lord has for us:  unconditional, unending, faithful, and pure.  

     I saw that love in my Momma even before she came to stay with us and let me be her caregiver.  Momma was the giver and that always started in her over-flowing heart of love.  Her life lived for the Lord, her action of love and kindness, her compassion and love and concern for us is her testimony, her continued witness to us, even now that she is in Heaven.  The memories I have of all of that are so tender and precious and I thank the Lord for those memories.

     My Daddy was such a special person, too.  Hardworking, smart, such a dry sense of humor!  He grew up hard and wasn't comfortable showing us affection, but we always knew he loved us.  He was a great man, a great Dad, and he went to Heaven before I grew up enough to know just how great.  Even though he has been with the Lord 42 years now, I still miss him every day.

     I read recently that grief is not a sign of weakness, nor a lack of faith, that it is the price of love.  On days like today when my heart is overwhelmed with missing Momma and Daddy and that longing to see them again, that price of love seems too high a price!  Yet, I would never want to even imagine what kind of life I would have today had I not know that love nor my precious parents.  

    I just miss them so!  

     Caregiver, do all you can for the ones you love while you can.  The day will come when all you have are memories – make those memories precious ones.

                                 Cris

A New Year Begins

     As a new year begins, I find myself still uncertain about what the Lord's purpose for me is now that I am no longer a caregiver.  And there is almost a dread because of the unexpected change in the family dynamic now that Momma isn't here to be the nucleus that drew us all together.

     What has stayed in my mind all day today is a quote from Dr. Jerry Falwell, "We live life looking forward, but we understand life looking back."

     I pray for the day that I will be able to wrap my heart around all this and understand.

     Until then, I will stay on my knees and keep looking up.

                                      Chris

Christmas Eve 2017

    All we have now are the memories.

                         Chris

Timely Life Lesson Shared by Our Nephew Will Evans

Photo shared by Will.

     Our nephew, Will Evans, shared a real-life lesson a friend of his received from the Lord.  It is so timely, not just for me but for so many other hurting hearts.  I share it here with the prayer it will encourage you as it has me.  

     Caregiver, stay on your knees and keep looking up.  The Lord knows every ache of your heart and sees every tear you cry.  You are not alone - and you are loved with an everlasting love.  

     And Merry CHRISTmas!

                                                  Chris 

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

     I was in Dollar Tree last night and there was a lady and two kids behind me in the LONG line.  One was a big kid, one was a toddler.  The bigger one had a pack of glow sticks and the baby was screaming for them so the Mom opened the pack and gave him one, which stopped his tears.  He walked around with it smiling, but then the bigger boy took it and the baby started screaming again.  Just as the Mom was about to fuss at the older child, he bent the glow sticks and handed it back to the baby.

     As we walked outside at the same time, the baby noticed that the stick was now glowing and his brother said "I had to break it so you could get the full effect from it." 

     I almost ran because l could hear God saying to me, "I had to break you to show you why I created you.  You had to go through it so you could fulfill your purpose.  That little baby was happy just swinging that 'unbroken' glow stick around in the air because he didn't understand what it was created to do which was 'glow'."

     There are some people who will be content just "being" but some of us that God has chosen, we have to be "broken".  We have to get sick.  We go through divorce and financial struggle.  We have to bury our brother, spouse, parents, best friend, or our child because, in those moments of desperation, God is breaking us but when the breaking is done, then we will be able to see the reason for which we were created.

       Shared by Will Evans

  

Memories of Christmases Long, Long Ago - It's About Family

     We all know that Christmas is about celebrating the birth of our Savior Jesus.  Yet the gatherings, gifts, and dinners seem to be more about family.

     That seems Biblical, too, as the Bible tells us that in the time of creation, God created a family - Adam and Eve - and placed them in the Garden with His blessing to multiply.  And when it was time for the Savior to come into the world, Jesus was born into a family.  The Bible also refers to the Most High God as "Father", and our Savior as the "Son".  

     So Christmas truly is about family!  And that's what makes the memories so tender and so precious: memories of time spent together as a family, enjoying not just the food and gifts, but each other, too.  And why it is so painful when there is an empty place left with the homegoing of our loved ones.

     In all of my life, I have always had Christmas with my family.  Even after getting married and the years my husband and I lived in other states, my husband always got me to my parents' home for Christmas.  

     But this year, Christmas will be totally different.  For the first time ever, we will celebrate the holiday without either of our parents and we will not be gathering at the family homeplace.  New family traditions will have to be created, new memories made without Momma and in a different place.  I know in my head this must happen, but in my heart I'm already I'm homesick.

     Caregiver, while you still have your loved one with you, make memories!  Take photos of them, especially when others come to visit them.  If their mind is still clear, encourage them to talk about how Christmas was when they were growing up.  If you can, video them telling their stories.  These things may sound silly or too much trouble but it will make your loved one feel important and a part of the holiday.  And when that loved one is no longer with you, these things will be priceless.

     Cherish the moments for, like the Holiday Season, you will look around and realize they are over too quickly.  Don't take into your tomorrows the pain of "I wish I had", but rather, smile through your tears, "I'm so glad I did!" 

     Caregiver, remember that you are loved with an everlasting love.  Stay on your knees and keep looking up.

Shared in love,

                              Chris

Our Christmas tree from 1968 - cut from the woods ourselves!

Memories of Christmases Long, Long Ago - Daddy's Childhood Christmas

School photo of Douglas Evans taken about 1935 or 1936

     In my post yesterday, I shared a story Momma wrote for me about how Christmas was when she was a little girl.  While her parents didn't have a lot of money, they made a home for her and her siblings and she had good memories of Christmas.

     But Daddy didn't talk much about how it was growing up.  His parents divorced when he was young and he didn't have the same kind of home Momma had.  I once asked Daddy what toys he received at Christmas.  He only said that he remembered a couple of times when he got a cowboy hat and a pair of cap pistols with a holster.  The other Christmases, he was given a new shirt or a new pair of trousers.  He didn't say much more, just that he guessed his parents did the best they could.

     When we were growing up, Daddy would be fussy when we decorated for Christmas.  But after the tree was up and Momma had everything festive and pretty, I would see him looking around under the tree at the gifts.  He would always find those with his name on them and then he seemed OK.  We were going to have Christmas, and he was included - everything was OK.

     Christmas always has a big place in our lives, making both good memories and bad.  And we carry those memories with us the rest of our lives.  

     Today, I want to remember Daddy and share memories of Christmas when he was with us.  Daddy was only 49 when the Lord took him to Heaven.  I have too few Christmas memories of Daddy.  And this Christmas, I miss him terrible. 

     Caregiver, you are making memories today that will last the rest of your life, long after your loved one is gone.  Do good things today to make warm memories for yourself and those you love, for they will have memories to carry into their tomorrows, too.

Shared in love,

                              Chris

Dad and Mom, Christmas 1975 -
our last Christmas with Daddy this side of Heaven

  

Memories of Christmases Long, Long Ago - Momma's Childhood Memories

C

Free clip art courtesy of webweaver

     Pastor said once that at Christmas, all hearts turn to home.  I know this is true for me, and even more acutely now that I'm facing my first Christmas as an orphan.  With Momma's homegoing this past March, I have begun grieving the passing of my Dad and my older brother, Bill, all over again.  So Christmas this year is going to be really, really different and for me, very, very hard.

     My husband keeps reminding me that I had many good years with my family, and especially the past 7 when we had the privilege of caring for Momma.  I know this is true, yet I'm still homesick and longing for home, the home of my childhood.  

     As I travel this rough part of my journey, I want to say first to you, Caregiver, do those things today that will be a good memory for you when the season changes and your loved one is no longer with you.  And share those memories because in the sharing, the memory stays fresh and alive withing you.

     And I want to share some memories, too, as I work thru this new way of celebrating Christmas.

     The first that I want to share in these days until Christmas is a story my Momma wrote for me about how Christmas was when she was growing up in the Coal Fields of West Virginia.  I share it here to remember her and to remind all of us how different Christmas was back then.

                   Chris

~~~~~~~~~

Mom when she was a little girl.

  Christmas In the Coal Fields

by Audella Grubb Evans

     Growing up in the mountains and in the Coal Fields of West Virginia wasn't always easy.  We had very few conveniences.  In the Coal Camp where I lived, we had one store that was owned by the Coal Company.  The store had a little of everything, but not a lot of toys or things for Christmas.  The miners' wages were not high, and transportation was limited, there were no buses and only a few people owned cars - we did not.  So, very little shopping was done.

     But we received catalogues thru the mail!  Sears, Montgomery Ward, and Aldens - we called them "wish books".  And they became well-worn!  We would choose 1 or 2 items from the "Wish Book" and our parents would go to Beckley, the nearest town to us, where they had stores.  They would try to purchase something for us.  They would get what they could afford.  I always got a beautiful doll.  And if it wasn't the item from the "wish book", that was OK - we were happy with what we got for Christmas.

     Dad didn't want to throw the catalogues away, so after Christmas, we would fold down the pages and make a door stop out of our "wish books".  

     We always had a Christmas Tree - one Dad cut from the woods and brought in.  We did have lights for the tree and some ready made bulbs, but mostly we made our own tree decorations.  We always thought we had the most beautiful Christmas Tree ever!

     The miners had a Union and throughout the year the men would each put a little money into a fund.  The Treasurer, my Uncle Fred Schlager, would use that money to buy nuts, candies, and fruit.  Then he would fill a large brown paper bag with these goodies - one for each child in a family.  We always looked forward to that special treat on Christmas Eve!  These items weren't plentiful back then, like they are today.

     And Christmas Eve usually brought snow - snow that would last for 1 or 2 months!

     What I remember most was our family being together.  We shared our memories and love toward each other and our neighbors.  Not exactly a Norman Rockwell Christmas, but it was ours!  And it was precious.

     Shared with love, 

  Mom