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Last week, August 8th , would have been my brother Bill's 70th birthday. I was weepy all day, as I remembered him and my parents. That evening the Holy Spirit reminded me how Momma said to me just weeks before her home-going that she missed Bill so much. She had buried her husband, both of her parents, her sister, and then her first-born child. Several times, Momma told me that she missed them all, but she missed her son the worse. I've never had to bury a child, but it must be the hardest thing a parent would have to do.
That evening as I was missing Momma and was crying, the Holy Spirit impressed upon me that this horrible, homesick way I am missing her and Daddy is how Momma was missing Bill, her husband, her parents and her sister. I realized that the way I am hurting into the very core of my being had to have been so much worse for her and I know in my heart of hearts I don't want her to feel that way. And as I began to thank the Lord for taking that hurt from her, my hurt began to ease.
My family and friends keep reminding me of the good life and the time I had with Momma, and that I have so much to be grateful for. I truly am grateful for all of it and I am honestly trying to focus on being grateful and thankful for the blessing of her life and my being allowed to care for Momma. But most of the time, that gets lost in my grief and hurt.
And it's not really hurt so much now, but such a deep longing, a painful homesickness for her and Daddy. I know there is no cure for homesickness other than going home. But this homesickness is not for a place but for the people I love -- so this is a sickness that nothing can cure, because I can't call them to hear their voice or go visit them to be with them.
I remind myself daily that Momma walked the walk before us to show us the way, and now she walks with Jesus. I am still being blessed by her life and her love. I need to keep reminding myself of that because it helps me thru the darkest times.
Shared in love,
Chris
