Discovering Hidden Treasures

Mom writing memories of her childhood for me.

     For several weeks now, we have had the arduous and emotionally exhausting task of going thru Momma's house.  It has been such a blessing that my brothers wanted so much of Momma's furniture and the ceramic items she created. But now I'm down to going thru her more personal things such as her clothes, her Bibles, and her books.  

     As I was cleaning out her desk and going thru some of her papers, I came across a little poem that someone had given to her.  It doesn't have a date, but the other papers it was with indicated to me it was probably after our brother, Bill, went to Heaven in 2002.  I had never seen it before, but it is full of meaning and even though it made me cry, it spoke to my heart.  I share it here with the prayer it will help someone else, too.

A Prayer For The One Who Is Left

     Lord, the trouble about life just now is that I seem to have all things which don't matter, and to have lost all the things which do matter.

     I have life;
     I have enough money to live on; 
     I have plenty to occupy me;
     but I am alone, and sometimes I feel that nothing can make up for that.

     Lord, compel me to see the meaning of my faith.  

     Make me to realize that I have a hope as well as a memory, and the unseen cloud of witnesses is around me; 
     that You meant it when You said that You would always be with me; 
     and make me to realize that as long as You leave me here there is something that I am meant to do; and in doing it, help me to find the comfort and the courage that I need to go on.

     In Jesus' name, 
                             Amen.

Source Unknown


     This prayer hit home to me in so many ways when I read it.  I do feel alone, even with the love and support of my wonderful husband, family, and friends.  I do feel the loss of purpose and direction, even as I work thru the task of handling Momma's estate.  And I do need to realize I not only have the memories of Momma, but I have that blessed hope that we will be together again.  

     I can't say that I know what the Lord has left me here to do.  Most days, I'm just functioning, crying, and praying for comfort for myself.  I don't feel I have enough emotional strength to encourage or help anyone else.  Anything good that happens thru me will have to be the Lord's doing!  My flesh is too weak, my heart is still too shattered.  Without Jesus, I am nothing but a mess.  Praise the Lord that He understands and is merciful!  

Shared in love,

Chris  

Homesickness

Our family's photo.

  
   Last week, August 8th , would have been my brother Bill's 70th birthday.  I was weepy all day, as I remembered him and my parents.  That evening the Holy Spirit reminded me how Momma said to me just weeks before her home-going that she missed Bill so much.  She had buried her husband, both of her parents, her sister, and then her first-born child. Several times, Momma told me that she missed them all, but she missed her son the worse.  I've never had to bury a child, but it must be the hardest thing a parent would have to do.

     That evening as I was missing Momma and was crying, the Holy Spirit impressed upon me that this horrible, homesick way I am missing her and Daddy is how Momma was missing Bill, her husband, her parents and her sister.  I realized that the way I am hurting into the very core of my being had to have been so much worse for her and I know in my heart of hearts I don't want her to feel that way.  And as I began to thank the Lord for taking that hurt from her, my hurt began to ease.  

     My family and friends keep reminding me of the good life and the time I had with Momma, and that I have so much to be grateful for.  I truly am grateful for all of it and I am honestly trying to focus on being grateful and thankful for the blessing of her life and my being allowed to care for Momma. But most of the time, that gets lost in my grief and hurt.

     And it's not really hurt so much now, but such a deep longing, a painful homesickness for her and Daddy.  I know there is no cure for homesickness other than going home.  But this homesickness is not for a place but for the people I love -- so this is a sickness that nothing can cure, because I can't call them to hear their voice or go visit them to be with them.

     I remind myself daily that Momma walked the walk before us to show us the way, and now she walks with Jesus.  I am still being blessed by her life and her love.  I need to keep reminding myself of that because it helps me thru the darkest times.
 
Shared in love,

Chris